So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
