imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
