Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
