She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
