Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.