I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
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he told me I talked like a deaf person
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
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He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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