Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
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he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
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This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?