I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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