he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.