I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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