Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.

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  (407): I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up. http://tfl.nu/laen
  Replies (13) Good night (3442) Bad night (807)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate

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  (318): i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate http://tfl.nu/h0ad
  Replies (15) Good night (672) Bad night (4274)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to

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  (704): My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to http://tfl.nu/cyq1
  Replies (13) Good night (4822) Bad night (1030)
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  (661): View more from California

  I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...

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  (661): I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore... http://tfl.nu/z5qk
  Replies (11) Good night (3572) Bad night (753)
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  (310): View more from California

  He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone

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  (310): He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone http://tfl.nu/3ij4
  Replies (18) Good night (6432) Bad night (925)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.

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  (541): Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening. http://tfl.nu/zy8e
  Replies (26) Good night (1217) Bad night (8052)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...

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  (217): she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening... http://tfl.nu/ap34
  Replies (5) Good night (883) Bad night (3104)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I thought you were single?

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.

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  (262): I thought you were single? (1-262): I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick. http://tfl.nu/pt5v
  Replies (6) Good night (1716) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!

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  (347): Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?! http://tfl.nu/ypzd
  Replies (2) Good night (1126) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.

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  (601): No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911. http://tfl.nu/s9ui
  Replies (8) Good night (1655) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.

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  (570): Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear. http://tfl.nu/m0op
  Replies (14) Good night (1904) Bad night (461)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.

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  (662): We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings. http://tfl.nu/gskc
  Replies (7) Good night (969) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.

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  (920): I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset. http://tfl.nu/b5mu
  Replies (3) Good night (530) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  The family next to you was not pleased

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  (919): I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box. (1-919): The family next to you was not pleased http://tfl.nu/vcup
  Replies (8) Good night (324) Bad night (514)
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  (258): View more from

  I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state

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  (258): I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state http://tfl.nu/9dxv
  Replies (0) Good night (498) Bad night (194)

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