Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
