Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
