so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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