Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
