i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
