I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
