I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
