You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
