There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
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New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
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She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.