so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
