Texts From Last Night

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.

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  (815): Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single. http://tfl.nu/sipf
  Replies (46) Good night (669) Bad night (3968) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.

  (817): View more from Texas

  Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.

  (972): View more from Texas

  ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.

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  (972): i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating. (817): Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away. (972): ur like the dr phil of bizarro world. http://tfl.nu/uybr
  Replies (66) Good night (5485) Bad night (1073)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.

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  (253): I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels. http://tfl.nu/jjfn
  Replies (13) Good night (4679) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide

  (231): View more from Michigan

  please tell me this is not legit

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  (231): I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide (231): please tell me this is not legit http://tfl.nu/bait
  Replies (33) Good night (5560) Bad night (600)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..

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  (816): this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live.. http://tfl.nu/uh98
  Replies (35) Good night (1596) Bad night (3086) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.

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  (601): There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore. http://tfl.nu/nmw7
  Replies (7) Good night (3072) Bad night (1571) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..

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  (860): My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen.. http://tfl.nu/c7n8
  Replies (15) Good night (5230) Bad night (1322) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.

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  (203): Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed. http://tfl.nu/aqi9
  Replies (6) Good night (3606) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD

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  (404): I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD http://tfl.nu/5vxn
  Replies (20) Good night (770) Bad night (5621) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.

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  (403): But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though. http://tfl.nu/bq7u
  Replies (10) Good night (878) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?

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  (330): It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period? http://tfl.nu/rj9s
  Replies (7) Good night (1241) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.

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  (602): They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't. http://tfl.nu/kn7x
  Replies (2) Good night (961) Bad night (319) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.

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  (573): Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her. http://tfl.nu/nucq
  Replies (9) Good night (1080) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'

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  (509): I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?' http://tfl.nu/4a3m
  Replies (7) Good night (1857) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.

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  (832): after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations. http://tfl.nu/2l5l
  Replies (14) Good night (1330) Bad night (275) Order T-Shirt

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