I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.