How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.