Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to