physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
