I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
