The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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