its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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