Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
