What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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