yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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