just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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