sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
