Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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