I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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