This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
COCAINE IS GR8
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
