the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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