i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
