i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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