im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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