Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
