let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
