dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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