I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize