You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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