is your mom at the bar?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
