now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
