I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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