Don't make out with my wife yet
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
