She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
