That's when you crack a 10am beer
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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