I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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