Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
