Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
