Someone shit on the floor
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
