My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think a kid would responsible me up
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
