ugly people sure do ruin things
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
