Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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