Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm both gender and math confused
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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