I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
