i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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