I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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