I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
