after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
