Will you blow on my dice?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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