its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
