She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
