Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
