I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
