my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Im part way to drunk.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
