So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
