before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
