i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
