We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
