My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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