Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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