Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
