Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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