Betty ford says i'm here all night
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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