That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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