Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
