she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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