I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You're my little dorito
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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