Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
