You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize