You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
