im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
