also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
