i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
