yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Did I show you my penis last night?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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