yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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