K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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