Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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