she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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