True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
