Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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