There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
